Looking back, I saw so many unfortunate situations that happened in my life but it helped me to be where I am today and shaped the person I am I guess. Not that Im trying to complain but somethings are just bugging me in how things happened the way they are as if there's no alternate option for life to presented the situation upon me.
For example, in the morning of my engagement party my family and I was robbed. Yes!!! ROBBED and harmed. Both my sister and I was rushed to the hospital at 7 am for a surgery on the hand injury that was caused for self-defence we did.
Then I was rushed back home to continue with the ceremony as if nothing ever happened. Go through the day with nothing on my stomach but pain killer and water to keep me from fainting. Putting a fake smile to my face greeting the guest while worrying over my sister who's still operated in the fear of losing her fingers.
It was a nightmare that changed me for few months. I was cold and distant, constantly living in fear and anxiety over small little things.
I just dont understand. Yes, good things coming out of it eventually .. namely my family moved the next day from the house and actually moved interstate. But until today I wonder how and why it happened and is there any other way it could be prevented from happening.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
In order to move on, do you forgive and forget or keep on dragging?
There's so many things I wanted to say to you. Especially things that I always had in my mind "How could you do this to me?" and the big "WHY?"
So many hurts, tears and pain you caused when you left. How things are left un-answered and how you made it clear that we are not in the picture of your world.
You want nothing to do with us. They want nothing to do with us.
Time passed by and so many things has changed and happened. One by one, we moved on.
Motivated by revenge and hatred, I am where I am today. Ironically, its all thanks to you. Without the hurt and the pain you caused, I might have be a quitter just like you. Giving up when success and happiness is just around the corner. Thanks to you, I am not afraid to confront those in the way of my happiness and whoever trying to come in between my family. Thanks to you, I know what loyalty and what love means. Thanks to you, I know exactly what-not-to-do in life to avoid the same mistakes you did.
Now the time come when I finally able to put everything behind us and start fresh. Loving you unconditionally despite the hurt and anger within me. Its not easy, but I managed. I have come a long way to be able to accepted you as you are with flaws and all. I managed to forgive (not forget) and importantly ACCEPTED.
Am I right to forgive you? am I right to move on when its not as easy for others to accepted you just as I have?
Will it be a crime to once again come face to face with the past that I have left behind ages ago? Do I betrayed my loved ones for the selfish act to move on on my own?
or should I keep on dragging all those hurt and pains and constantly be reminded of what has happened in the past and cut looses with all your ties?
Either way, its uneasy feelings.
So many hurts, tears and pain you caused when you left. How things are left un-answered and how you made it clear that we are not in the picture of your world.
You want nothing to do with us. They want nothing to do with us.
Time passed by and so many things has changed and happened. One by one, we moved on.
Motivated by revenge and hatred, I am where I am today. Ironically, its all thanks to you. Without the hurt and the pain you caused, I might have be a quitter just like you. Giving up when success and happiness is just around the corner. Thanks to you, I am not afraid to confront those in the way of my happiness and whoever trying to come in between my family. Thanks to you, I know what loyalty and what love means. Thanks to you, I know exactly what-not-to-do in life to avoid the same mistakes you did.
Now the time come when I finally able to put everything behind us and start fresh. Loving you unconditionally despite the hurt and anger within me. Its not easy, but I managed. I have come a long way to be able to accepted you as you are with flaws and all. I managed to forgive (not forget) and importantly ACCEPTED.
Am I right to forgive you? am I right to move on when its not as easy for others to accepted you just as I have?
Will it be a crime to once again come face to face with the past that I have left behind ages ago? Do I betrayed my loved ones for the selfish act to move on on my own?
or should I keep on dragging all those hurt and pains and constantly be reminded of what has happened in the past and cut looses with all your ties?
Either way, its uneasy feelings.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Another day, another drama..
I must have turned off my alarm as soon as it went off this morning since I dont hear anything anymore till I remember where I have to be and.. YUP.. IM LATE!!
Waiting for the bus and hoping for one to pass by any minute, I got an sms from my Dad while he's doing his morning routine... the toilet time! Its a routine for him that every morning he would spend at least half an hour at the toilet pooing. yuck! Aparently he fall down and hurt his back on his way to the toilet. He was just recovering from stroke and thats why he's no longer able to dash in and out easily like he used to. I would imagine that he would take a step at a time with a stick of walking support which is sad really. My dad used to be really strong.
Anyway,.. got to work on time *phew* and all I got is an annoyed look from my husband. I dont know what I did wrong, I thought I was doing good by coming on time. But obviously something probably come up during his morning talk with his own dad. Humph!
The day went pass by so slow and I was freezing trying to take order while peeking at my husband flirting and smile freely with the new girl that just start yesterday. Grr.. not that he's flirting, but his nature to smile gives away the flirting impression.
By the end of the day, I was talking to this new girl and my husband was within earshot, so she was asking me whether or not I have a bf which only means that my husband hasnt really told her that he's married. Grrr.. so.. feeling a bit irritated, I didnt know what I thought then, but this i what I said to her "Im married actually." and she was surprised and ask me who is my husband and whether or not he's the same race as me and again.. dunno what Im thinking.. i must be drunk .. as I said "I married to him!!" Pointing at the Indian dishwasher with my Father In law standing next to him looking stunned at my answer. DOH!!!!!!! I give a quick look to my husband who was laughing away. WHAT WAS I THINKING???? To make it worse, this Indian guy thought its a great idea and add "actually we are going to get married soon" when she asked about his ring. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
When my husband was laughing in a mocking way, I just give him the evil look to shut him up.
arghhhh....
Waiting for the bus and hoping for one to pass by any minute, I got an sms from my Dad while he's doing his morning routine... the toilet time! Its a routine for him that every morning he would spend at least half an hour at the toilet pooing. yuck! Aparently he fall down and hurt his back on his way to the toilet. He was just recovering from stroke and thats why he's no longer able to dash in and out easily like he used to. I would imagine that he would take a step at a time with a stick of walking support which is sad really. My dad used to be really strong.
Anyway,.. got to work on time *phew* and all I got is an annoyed look from my husband. I dont know what I did wrong, I thought I was doing good by coming on time. But obviously something probably come up during his morning talk with his own dad. Humph!
The day went pass by so slow and I was freezing trying to take order while peeking at my husband flirting and smile freely with the new girl that just start yesterday. Grr.. not that he's flirting, but his nature to smile gives away the flirting impression.
By the end of the day, I was talking to this new girl and my husband was within earshot, so she was asking me whether or not I have a bf which only means that my husband hasnt really told her that he's married. Grrr.. so.. feeling a bit irritated, I didnt know what I thought then, but this i what I said to her "Im married actually." and she was surprised and ask me who is my husband and whether or not he's the same race as me and again.. dunno what Im thinking.. i must be drunk .. as I said "I married to him!!" Pointing at the Indian dishwasher with my Father In law standing next to him looking stunned at my answer. DOH!!!!!!! I give a quick look to my husband who was laughing away. WHAT WAS I THINKING???? To make it worse, this Indian guy thought its a great idea and add "actually we are going to get married soon" when she asked about his ring. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
When my husband was laughing in a mocking way, I just give him the evil look to shut him up.
arghhhh....
Monday, August 4, 2008
The trouble with In-Law
Beep beep!!
Right at 7.00 am my alarm clock start making too much noise that I have not much choice but get up and press the snooze button. Yeah.. never once I actually wake up on the time that I have set.
I know I gotta get up but I just hate the thought of getting up facing the cold weather (its 6 degree outside this morning or maybe less.. who knows..brrr) and the very thought that I will have to go to work aka helping my beloved at his cafe WHICH his Dad co-owned.
Oh.. did I mention that Im living with my in-law? err..actually was rather forced to live with them by blackmail (long story.. will tell you another time). So NO! definitely not by choice!!
Everytime I went out the room for dinner, there I see them. And on the weekend when I feel like sitting at the couch doing nothing but watching my fave. series of Sex and the city while pigging out is not an option when the MIL (Mother In-Law) is busy vacuuming and cleaning the house. When I occassionaly pretend that im not awake yet, she actually starts banging whateva she's doing I guess in a purpose to give me the not so subtle hint to move my butt out of the bed and actually come down and take over. *sigh*
You see, Im not much of a housewife and never really have to clean my house let alone my room. There's always someone to clean it up after me and to even make my bed. Its like "bye-bye spoiled world" when I enter this marriage.
Before we got married, they sit me during a dinner gathering and when their son was not in the room, they start playing the we-got-only-two-son card with me. Saying that how they live for their sons only and it will be very lonely without their kids around and that they would love for us to move in and stay with them in a bigger house.
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
If only I knew better. I should have walked out from the room, thank them for the dinner and run for my life and never look back. What was worse is that when I ask my then fiancee to back me up, they start reasoning how we could save bills and rent free by living with them and that knowing how hopeless I am in the kitchen, he shouldnt worry about whats for dinner (Grrr!!! I should introduce them to my good friends the instant noddles and chinese take out.. really!!) So, we have agreed to temporarily giving in and live with them for at least a year. But.. in all honesty I cant stand it any longer. GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing wrong with his parents or anything. They're fine and actually quite nice people (sometimes..) but .. look.. I dont get married to move out from my own house under my parents care to another. Everyday its like "where have you been?" Where did you go?" What did you do?" "who were you with?" "what are you doing with work now? what do you do?" arghhh.. I need air!! I had a small talk with my husband and actually counted how many times we had an arguement and how many of them actually driven, influenced or fired up by his parents. Well.. turn out that all our arguements were based on them.
Why are there's so many trouble with in-law? .. *sigh* no matter what's the answer, all I know is that I need to move out.. err..correction.. WE need to move out ASAP!!
Right at 7.00 am my alarm clock start making too much noise that I have not much choice but get up and press the snooze button. Yeah.. never once I actually wake up on the time that I have set.
I know I gotta get up but I just hate the thought of getting up facing the cold weather (its 6 degree outside this morning or maybe less.. who knows..brrr) and the very thought that I will have to go to work aka helping my beloved at his cafe WHICH his Dad co-owned.
Oh.. did I mention that Im living with my in-law? err..actually was rather forced to live with them by blackmail (long story.. will tell you another time). So NO! definitely not by choice!!
Everytime I went out the room for dinner, there I see them. And on the weekend when I feel like sitting at the couch doing nothing but watching my fave. series of Sex and the city while pigging out is not an option when the MIL (Mother In-Law) is busy vacuuming and cleaning the house. When I occassionaly pretend that im not awake yet, she actually starts banging whateva she's doing I guess in a purpose to give me the not so subtle hint to move my butt out of the bed and actually come down and take over. *sigh*
You see, Im not much of a housewife and never really have to clean my house let alone my room. There's always someone to clean it up after me and to even make my bed. Its like "bye-bye spoiled world" when I enter this marriage.
Before we got married, they sit me during a dinner gathering and when their son was not in the room, they start playing the we-got-only-two-son card with me. Saying that how they live for their sons only and it will be very lonely without their kids around and that they would love for us to move in and stay with them in a bigger house.
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
If only I knew better. I should have walked out from the room, thank them for the dinner and run for my life and never look back. What was worse is that when I ask my then fiancee to back me up, they start reasoning how we could save bills and rent free by living with them and that knowing how hopeless I am in the kitchen, he shouldnt worry about whats for dinner (Grrr!!! I should introduce them to my good friends the instant noddles and chinese take out.. really!!) So, we have agreed to temporarily giving in and live with them for at least a year. But.. in all honesty I cant stand it any longer. GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing wrong with his parents or anything. They're fine and actually quite nice people (sometimes..) but .. look.. I dont get married to move out from my own house under my parents care to another. Everyday its like "where have you been?" Where did you go?" What did you do?" "who were you with?" "what are you doing with work now? what do you do?" arghhh.. I need air!! I had a small talk with my husband and actually counted how many times we had an arguement and how many of them actually driven, influenced or fired up by his parents. Well.. turn out that all our arguements were based on them.
Why are there's so many trouble with in-law? .. *sigh* no matter what's the answer, all I know is that I need to move out.. err..correction.. WE need to move out ASAP!!
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